We asked SFC Lazaro to tell us her story. “I was in the military, in the army. I served over 20 years, so I’m retired. I did two combat tours. My first combat tour, my son was four months old when I left him. He was still in diapers, he stayed with my mom and my sisters, thank God. That year, my brother-in-law was also deployed. I was married at the time, dual military. We left our babies, we left for a year, came back and went again for another year later. I served my time there for twenty years. I’m a combat medic nurse, so I was on the front line. In 2003- we got Saddam Hussein, our unit got him!
There have been hard times; I retired in 2010 and I guess that’s when the war decided to sneak back up on me. I have had a really hard time since. I don’t work, it’s hard for me to leave my house. For several years, I was making a lot of mistakes. I wasn’t me; I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and what was going on? Bad decisions, getting in trouble with the law and just not being myself. I had to relearn who I was, figure out what was wrong with me, and try to fix it. I was such a high achiever before, I don’t know how to accept all the things I can no longer achieve. I suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia. At the worst I lost my house, I lost my marriage, I lost my kids. I got stuck; it was hard to realize I wasn’t that tough person anymore and I just couldn’t get everything that happened out of my head.
It was a hard time; I was so messed up I couldn’t apply for my benefits. All I ever wanted to do was be a nurse, be in the army. I wanted to be the next major of the army, I did stuff in the army because people thought because you’re a girl you can’t do it. I had to prove them wrong. Then after I retired, not being able to get out of bed to take a shower was hard. I couldn’t live like that anymore. I moved to California from Texas trying to rebuild a relationship with my family. I was there physically, but I wasn’t really there. You know you’re a soldier and you’re a combat veteran but, also a mother. PTSD doesn’t stop, you can’t take a break from it just because you need to do other things. I can’t tell my depression to stop, that I need to be a mother right now, or that I can’t lose my house. My family has been through a lot with me and I’m blessed that they’re still with me.
Because of Furnishing Hope, my kids have a home. A place to come and be with me. This is our home and because of Furnishing Hope, it’s perfect. It’s soothing and relaxing, a healing space.”
